By Sharon Gordon
Johannesburg - May 28 is Menstrual Health Management Day. It is a global initiative and celebrated every year on the same day. If I think back to my youth, this was not something we discussed and certainly never celebrated. It was one of those things that women had to endure until they hit menopause.
There is an organisation Dignity Dreams NPO that works in this space. They manufacture and distribute eco-friendly washable pads but more importantly, the organisation provides education around menstrual and reproductive health. I’m taking this opportunity to ask you to support Dignity Dreams NPO with a once off or monthly donation. Without donors they are unable to continue to do the work in education and supplying dignity to young women most in need.
I’m always fascinated that menstruation has been given such a bad wrap. After all, it’s the reason we’re here. All cycles are meaningful, their healthy functioning foundational for our wellbeing. No medicine can substitute for this. The menstrual cycle is also the amazing means by which we create life. Let’s cherish it.
A healthy menstrual cycle is a fertile cycle, a sign of good health, and will optimise the health of any child you have. It’s connected to all the systems and organs of your body so when you cherish it you are cherishing your whole being.
The menstrual cycle is a diagnostic tool. It is a stress sensitive system in women. It is constantly giving feedback about our health and well-being. By observing and monitoring the physical and emotional changes throughout the menstrual month, and paying attention to the quality, quantity and colour of your menstrual blood you get direct information about your overall health.
Think of it as an early warning system, a bit like the lack of an erection for a man (but that’s a different article).
Every woman should be firmly grounded in this knowledge as part of growing up. One woman, who was deeply attuned to her cycle through fertility awareness, began noticing tiny changes in her usual pattern. Feeling as though something was amiss, she went to her doctor, and after some tests, they found she was in the very early stages of a cancer which they could treat. She is alive and well today because of her ability to ‘read’ the subtle signals of her own body.
Menstruation is a woman’s number one self-care and stress management system. Menstruation itself is a time of cleansing – an emotional and physical detox – that releases stress and tension from your being allowing you to properly rest and repair. And, most importantly for those of you who suffer from menstrual problems, reduces and even heals symptoms
When you’re connected to your cycle you have a direct line to yourself – to the many different facets and layers of your being. Over time this connection builds a delicious inner knowing about who you are and what you need to be doing. I know this all sounds a bit woo woo. We aren’t encouraged enough to get in touch with our cycle. Many of us just want it gone and many go to great lengths to ensure that menstruation doesn’t interfere with our lives at all. Maybe we should be having a deeper conversation about the meaning and gift of menstruation.
Menstruation soothes you with the ‘love and bliss’ hormone, oxytocin. Granted, the task is just too much for me. Who can give up five days a month to do nothing but be in touch with their menstrual cycle? There is just too much to do. In order to be completely in touch with your cycle you have to stop and do NOTHING.
That is rest, forget all your lists of things to do, abandon your children (you’ll need allies!). When you start to bleed and if you’ve allowed yourself to stop and deeply let go, you can experience a glorious wash of oxytocin soothing and repairing your whole system – body and soul. In biblical times menstruating women would congregate in the Red Tent, not work and spend five days resting and sharing stories. But we live in the real world so try to be mindful.
Cycle savviness transforms sexual experience and takes relationships to a new level of union. To be connected to your cycle is to be connected to your sexual energy. Your sexual energy and needs fluctuate throughout the menstrual month, taking on different tones and charge.
Periods aren’t exactly beneficial for our lives in the 21st Century. Work, productivity, schedules, and deadlines. Women can fully embrace their bleeding and be highly productive and auspicious co-creators of society.
Men often have no clue how to respectfully interact with women about their menstrual cycles. Men need to broaden their perspective on how to support her during this time, to move beyond the standard man’s programming: stay away from her when she’s bleeding cause she’s a bitch; shit, it’s that time of the month; or she is (or her blood) is disgusting and dirty.
Why is this important?
I’m sure you want to create more ease and depth in your relationship. Through your presence and loving support during her monthly cycle, you are feeding the health of the relationship. This can only bring more fulfillment to the both of you.
This is not something you want to ignore if you desire experiencing the fullness of your woman. Most men avoid this topic when considering their relationship. Take a moment and think about your own; do you argue more when she is about to menstruate? Do you get frustrated and confused in trying to relate with her?
Many men deal with the women in their lives’ irritability every month. You might also struggle with a woman who experiences chronic low-level irritability, anxiety or depression, perhaps even horrible cramping and pain.
Many men I know shut down or overreact. But its best to know her cycle: Ask her about the timing of it (though not when she is actually menstruating). If you can get a general idea of when she is ovulating or bleeding, you can more skilfully interact with her.
By knowing her cycle, you can be more aware and sensitive to her changing moods and physical discomfort. This develops a deeper trust as your woman knows you are really present with what she is experiencing. Put it in your calendar so you have a heads up.
If you understand her cycle you will recognise her changing libido: When premenstrual, her hormone level shifts. This hormonal flip can mean “she isn’t horny for you!” Interestingly, having an orgasm can relieve menstrual cramps, though your attitude during the whole cycle will determine whether or not she’s willing to explore this. This is probably best to bring up when she isn’t in the middle of it.
Don’t run away from her emotions; Many women like more space with menstruating but its best to take cues from her. Don’t just run off to the bar with the guys believing that’s best. If she wants you to leave, she will most likely ask for space. She may act like she doesn’t want you there but remember she may actually desire some TLC. Your full presence is the best medicine. She will love you for this!
A hot water bottle. She will LOVE this. Other great ideas include complimenting her, being kind, helping out with chores (this should always be the case, but usually isn’t). Help create a cozy environment for her and cook her comfort food. Hugs are also great. It’s always amazing what a lavender lotion foot rub can do. The main thing is to not be an ass. (closing down and or not wanting to deal is being an ass) I know from experience that this doesn’t earn many points. Chocolate helps to stimulate serotonin, that can be a good move.
Put some effort into understanding more of what your woman goes through every month. By understanding why, she may be having mood swings and how to support her, you are strengthening your relationship.
Menstruation is the most important cycle for the continuation of the human race. Without it none of us would be here so shouldn’t we take one day just to celebrate it and if nothing else understand the importance. And it goes without saying – Donate to Dignity Dreams for they can continue to change the way we manage our periods. For more information see www.dignitydreams.com