On the day of my daughter’s first birthday party, my husband and I hung up streamers and draped a mermaid-inspired banner with a glittery “one” across her high chair.
I placed the sea creature-themed cake beside the wrapped presents and dressed my daughter in a pink frock. Everything was going according to the plan I had drawn up months earlier, except at 1pm, the doorbell wouldn’t ring and guests wouldn’t pour into my house. Instead, I made sure to set the laptop on the dining room table and to email a Zoom link to friends and family so they could sing Happy Birthday virtually.
Despite the fact that there’s a pandemic, I’m a firm believer that birthday celebrations still matter. Experts agree. Birthdays and other milestones allow children to feel connected to their community, they say.
At a time when communities aren’t able to physically come together, it’s especially important to remind children they still have a network that cares for them. “Social distancing does not mean social isolation,” says Graziella Simonetti, a parenting coach.
“Even though this gathering is happening remotely, it helps everyone feel they’re in it together. We’re together, even if we’re not together.” It’s why some families are organising social distance-friendly “walk-by” parades for young ones (neighbours could do this during the 6am to 9am exercise time slot), in which a limited number of participants march in front of the birthday child’s house with festive signs.
Or they decorate cars (on the way to the shops) and drive past the house. In doing so, the birthday child is reminded they’re part of a community, and so are the other children and adults who are participating. Celebrations also give families a chance to break up the monotony of quarantine life.
Aside from my phone’s pings signalling the latest Covid-19 news, the quarantined days blur together – it could be a Tuesday, it could be a Saturday, who’s to say?
“Celebrating is injecting something joyful into a time that is tough,” Simonetti says. “We’re so inundated with negative news, a birthday is something positive to celebrate.”
The coronavirus is causing unprecedented devastation, and it’s okay to cherish a moment of brightness. My daughter won’t remember her pandemic birthday party, and she certainly doesn’t know what a pandemic is, but the experts I spoke to agree that older children celebrating a birthday will probably be disappointed their plans have changed, on top of the sadness they might be experiencing from missing school and friends.
This is all the more reason to make the day special, while also explaining to them that loved ones are remaining home to stay safe and healthy.
How to hold a pandemic-friendly celebration
This depends on your child. Some kids might want the hullabaloo of a walk-by parade, while others would hate the attention and would rather just FaceTime with family. It’s important to have conversations with them and to help manage their expectations.
Child psychologist Roseanne Lesack suggests laying out parameters and being forthcoming: “In their minds they probably had already made plans. These plans may not be compatible with present reality.”
Here are some ideas to help create a memorable birthday celebration while staying at home:
Organise a virtual party:
There are several free ways to throw a virtual party using video conferencing services such as Zoom or Google Hangouts. Lesack suggests gathering a few friends at a time to keep it from being overwhelming and then each guest can share a poem or memory about the birthday child.
Some families have asked guests to wear costumes made with items from around the house. You may also consider dropping off a cupcake to nearby friends’ doorsteps to be enjoyed during the virtual party.
Do something special at home:
The best gift you can give a child is your presence, so talk to them about how they want to spend the day. Cook their favourite dishes with them (cake decorating and build-your-own pizzas are always winners) or go camping in the garden or the sitting room, depending on the weather.
You can also do some over-the-top decorations while they’re sleeping so they have something special to wake up to, for example, fill the room with balloons.
Add some structure to the day by creating an at-home scavenger hunt – there are plenty of examples on Pinterest. An at-home field day complete with pillowcase races and water balloon fights is also fun and budget friendly. Or consider a spa day with manicures, pedicures and face masks.
Stay connected to your community:
Ahead of your child’s birthday, schedule times for family and friends to call or video chat throughout the day. Keep the call times short (five to 10 minutes). Staggering them ensures the child doesn’t get overwhelmed and gives them something to look forward to throughout the day. Family members can also record videos of themselves sharing a message with the celebrant.