Looks like I have a direct line to the universal Manager of the Seasons.
No sooner had I sent out the memo that we were all tired of being hot, sweaty and frazzled, the switch was dialled down. The season appears to have changed, just like that. It’s cooler and the nests of fans are down to one each. No need to stagger back into a cold shower three minutes after the last one. Thank you.
Now that the channel is open, perhaps managers of different departments will also act with alacrity.
Chilling on the couch with the happy pant-less pooches, I pondered: if this line really worked, what important requests would I make? You don’t want to get all greedy, and, having been given a hand, take the whole arm.
It would be ever so crass to ask that all our financial woes be taken care of, but perhaps the universe’s finance department could at least do a better job of spreading the cheer or fairer cutting of the pie.
Here’s the request to that department: Please can you make sure there is enough? You may have to work with the human resources department to educate everyone about what enough is.
Enough would make sure every person had a job and a proper, safe and warm place to call home, mansions not included. It would have electricity (I’ll get to that department in a while), hygienic toilets and a healthy environment. It would cater to small pleasures, like a good meal, and bigger ones like health and education.
If finance and HR worked together, we could cancel greed and gluttony and provide opportunity to grow and improve.
They could also spread the word on the importance of gratitude. The Covid crisis has paved the way for all of us to take stock and recognise that most of us have something, even little things, to be grateful for. The ability to recognise this is as good as a spa for your brain.
On to what is possibly the environment department: these guys seriously need to get their act together, and this is a stern memo. Sort out our power and water problems and keep our lands, air, rivers and seas clean and safe. In short, save our Earth, our appliances and our internet connections. Thanks.
The universe’s internal affairs also has a tall order: teach us how every living thing deserves respect and to survive in its world order. Rule out rage, stupidity, racism, ignorance and selfish social “tribalism”. We all do so much better when we care for one another and everything that shares the planet.
My most earnest request would be to the returns manager and I would ask for my sister Janet back. She died too young, of a brain aneurysm, and left too big a hole. This line, however, will also be very busy. So much loss and heartache, from Covid to disease to murder to suicide. I know even the universe couldn’t supply what was top of my wish list, but go big or go home.
Hold your requests for my universal super power ‒ just start with your own small actions to help make our world a bit better.
The Independent on Saturday