Durban - English needs yet another Covid-19 era word. The Oxford dictionary can thank me later.
Proper scientific research shows loneliness is a rocketing global problem and can, according to some, cause the same level of harm to a body as smoking 15 cigarettes a day.
For nearly two years, the couch family have been pretty much on their own ‒ sharing cuddles, conversations and debates, and the occasional shove for the best spot.
One of the topics we have considered a lot recently is friends and friendships.
Having experienced the pain of losing Jan, my best friend (it feels like yesterday), I live in terror of losing my soulmate, Zeus the boerboel. It is really stupid because there are no imminent signs. But Jan left in an instant and the fear is probably rooted in that.
We have also been considering the nature of friendship and how many guises it comes in.
Tomorrow, one of my longest-standing friends celebrates her birthday. Jen and I met at work in the mid 80s and we had some Grand Adventures along the decades ‒ together or in letters. Tomorrow I MUST remember to call her. For many years we wished each other early (which is fine), but most often it was belated, with all the associated guilt. It got so muddled that we phoned each other on our own birthdays to save the other from feeling bad. That’s friendship.
It grew out of something the new word is meant to encapsulate ‒ friendleagues.
There are some people you work with who you like and talk to often because you need each other to “fit” together for the best results of all your tasks. These are colleagues, many lovely people.
Then there are friendleagues. You may have started as colleagues, but over time you learn things. You each prove you have each others’ backs, on the work or home front. In emergencies or panics, they are calm, solid, reliable, professional and pull rabbits out of the hat, and “like” is joined by respect and care.
You may never have been to their homes, or met their spouses, children, siblings or parents.
But you “know” them and the fears and dreams your friendleague has for them. When a friendleague has a family challenge, you worry with them and offer whatever support you can.
You know their routines and habits, good and bad, and the bad ones do not detract from how much you care about them.
You know you can admit to being in a bad place, or you made a mistake, and you still feel supported.
You share jokes and belly laughs.
The big test is the friendleague “pickup”. This is when you haven’t been in touch for aaaages, but when you do the conversation flows as if you have never been separated.
You suddenly realise you have been talking for an hour with nary a beat missed. Or the email is 600 words long and it goes back and forth over the next few days.
If you have friendleagueships like this, you are never lonely. Even if you are stuck on the couch, a friendleague is just a WhatsApp, email or call away.
Recognise and treasure them. They are true friends.
- Lindsay Slogrove is the news editor
The Independent on Saturday